Tuesday, August 28, 2012

20 weeks: half way done!

8/28/12 20 weeks pregnant

When we learned baby Peapod is a boy a couple weeks ago, Joe decided that I needed some bellyphones. They're little stick on headphones that you can secure to your belly in order to pump music directly into your unsuspecting uterus. Like so:

I think the idea is kind of silly and besides, Peapod is getting plenty of audio stimulation from such cinematic classics as Pretty Little Liars and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But it is kind of adorable and it doesn’t take any effort on my part so I’m game.

Speaking of game, Joe’s playlist for developing young genius brains has consisted of such master composers as Beethoven and Debussy and for some reason also includes the Final Fantasy VII soundtrack.  Naturally.

I’ve definitely felt the wee one more the last week. I’d felt some flutters now and then for a couple weeks before but can now feel actual jabs/kicks/punches. Joe can tell when it’s happening because I jump about 10 feet in the air every time it happens. I took a couple good hits when I used the bellyphones the first time and I suppose we will never know if they were squirms of delight or a desperate attempt to escape from the Waltz de Chocobo.

Joe has also prepped the nursery for my striped wall scheme. The room is barren and draped in plastic sheets and tape so it basically looks like a kill room from Dexter. On the bright side, there’s now a layer of primer covering the former paint color, which was a hideous blinding blue hue. Since paints have such great names like Dead Salmon and Tornado Watch, I would dub the former color Makes-Your-Eyes-Bleed-Blue. Catchy, no?

By the way, how awful is picking out paint colors? It is so needlessly complicated. I really did not care exactly which paint color to use and suddenly you are agonizing over 10 identical shades of gray, going “AGH, I JUST DON’T KNOW. ESKIMO KISSES OR STORMY SKIES?”

In other news, here’s my 20 week bump-date, in which I get gradually fatter but can still pass for not pregnant. In the words of my boss, “When are you going to start to show like a normal human being?”

Though I cheated and am really 21 weeks in this picture because I was too lazy to take a picture any other day. I swear you didn’t miss much in those few days. I am starting to get a bit of a bump but I still think it appears less like I’m pregnant and more like I’ve decided to pursue a career in competitive eating.

2 more things about that picture: 1) In case you wondering, no, I am not wearing pants, hence the sliver of my bare thigh. Avert your children’s eyes. I was wearing PJ short though, I promise. 2) My glasses are making a rare appearance because I had a fun adventure last week that led to an urgent care visit and an eye patch. Stay tuned.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

How many baby cages will I need?

8/24/12 -- About 19 weeks pregnant

At my last midwife appointment, the midwife admitted in her soothing Australian accent that if my morning sickness had not gone away at this point, it probably was here to stay. And thank god for the soothing, soothing accent because it somehow didn’t sound so bad until after I had left and thought about 20 more weeks of nausea.  AND THEN I WANTED TO WRING HER PRETTY AUSTRALIAN NECK.

Just kidding, I hope she and her unnaturally calming presence attend my birth.

Granted, morning sickness has gotten A LOT better since the beginning but I still have to take nausea medication on a daily basis to function. There is no doubt in my mind that without it, I would have hyperemesis gravidium, which is fancy medical talk for pregnant and throwing up all day, every day. So bless you, Doxylamine. You’re my most favorite drug. I shall name my first-born child after you. No, wait. Just kidding. Is this how Rumpelstiltskin happened?

In other more endearing news, I had my 18-week ultrasound last week, where the ultrasound tech looked into the crystal ball that is my uterus and predicted that baby Peapod is a boy!
For some reason, the ultrasound tech gave me about 3-dozen very exciting pictures of my placenta, which mostly looks like white noise on a TV screen. But she did nag a couple cute profile pictures:

... and a picture of monkey-like toes:

I also have a few cool pictures of baby’s spine, where it appears that I am giving birth to a fillet of herring or something. But I will spare you these.

So now we can get the business of designing and painting the nursery. And by “we” I mean “Joe”. Since I have to scrape any idea of pink walls and sparkly chandeliers, I’ve become unreasonably attached the idea of horizontal striped walls. Joe pointed out that this would be hard to do all by his lonesome and we might have to fork over some money for a professional painter. I had a brief internal battle between my cheap side that reuses ziplock bags and my irrational pregnant side that panics when she can’t find ice cream cones and, surprise, the pregnant monster won. WE SHALL HAVE STRIPED WALLS, DAMNIT.  And also ice cream because I found the ice cream cones. They were under our pile of candy, naturally.

Or we could forgo a nursery altogether and just attach a baby cage to our window:

See? Don't worry people: THE CRATE CAN BE SCREENED.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The baby rhombus

Ah, early pregnancy. Still in an awkward phase in which all my clothes FIT, they just don't fit WELL. It mostly appears that I don't know how to appropriately dress myself. Which is mostly true. I'm sticking to my guns in that I do not have a baby bump yet, as that implies, you know, a BUMP. My belly sticks out a tad further, yes, but is stil mostly flat. No cute curvature. So if anything, that makes it more of a baby rhombus or baby trapezoid. One of those useless shape that no one knows what to do with.

So let's move on to some picture documentation and survey, shall we?

How far along? 17 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: around 6 lbs or so
Maternity clothes? Bought a few pieces in an excited pregnant frenzy but still wearing my normal wardrobe.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: I sleep like a champ. I excel in sleeping.
Best moment this week: Ate some candy first thing when I woke up and wanted to die a little less. My dentist will be pleased. Good thing I started flossing in preparation for my teeth cleaning next week. I mean, I ALWAYS FLOSS DR. FELDMAN.
Miss Anything? Not feeling like I need to puke all the time? Also felt cheated that I couldn’t have a mimosa on mother’s day. Nice joke, Peapod. 
Movement: Had some uterine cramp-y type things today, wonder if it was Peapod busting a move. Either that or my stomach has had enough and is trying to escape my body.
Food cravings: Safe foods:
fruit and fruit juice, peanut butter, toast and most other carbohydrate, cheese, mashed potatoes....
Anything making you queasy or sick: 
Anything before noon. Otherwise, most sources of protein, my favorite black tea, eggs, raw vegetables, greasy anything, smell of coffee or strong perfume, SHALL I GO ON? Have also not been so keen on oatmeal, cream of wheat or chamomile tea since I threw those up in the early days.
Have you started to show yet:
 I will stubbornly say no.

Gender prediction: Who knows. Had a dream I was having a boy but still have hope I can buy pink sparkly things.
Labor Signs: Nay
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy. Grumpy in the mornings.  I am a very efficient worker in the mornings, sitting very still and quiet at my desk as I distract myself with as much work as possible.
Looking forward to:
 Morning sickness going away, feeling baby move, getting a belly, finding out the gender in a few weeks. Etc etc.