Tofurky day!

Joe and I had a low key Thanksgiving with minimal mental melt downs. I decided I did not want to have a brain aneurysm so I decided not to make pie crust. Joe decided he did want to have a brain aneurysm and made Peking duck.

This is not duck. This is cornbread.

Joe warned me that the duck carcass would be hanging out in the kitchen the day before to do it's Peking duck thing. So when I came home on Wednesday and Joe told me not to freak out about what was in the kitchen, I didn't think anything of it and expected for the duck carcass to be out on the counter. And it was. The duck was laying on the counter. With our giant fan placed in front of it. If the duck had hair, its hair would be flying in the breeze. I asked Joe why exactly was the duck placed strategically in a wind tunnel? and he told me that Peking ducks are supposed to be 'hung upside down in a windy area'. And because our landlord may not appreciate us dangling a duck carcass out the window on a string, a fan seemed like the best option. Sure.

Roasted garlic. Calorie free, obviously. For the:

... mashed potatoes!

I thought about making the pumpkin pie the night before but then I took some Xanax and went to sleep instead. Such is life. I discovered a pumpkin pie recipe that featured a shortbread crust while I was perusing the Martha Stewart website and I decided to go with that. I hate making pie crust and I don't particularly like it so this seemed perfect.

Brussel sprouts: pre-roast
And post-roast. Yum.

This pie was kind of ridiculously easy but I'm not complaining. The hardest part I had was figuring out when to take it out, since I haven't made many pumpkin pies and the filling is supposed to be jiggly when you take them out. But not too jiggly. And of course not jiggle-less. A gray area of jiggly. And I am not a Jiggle Master. A Jiggle Pro. Head Mistress of Jiggle. I am a Jiggle Apprentice and after checking the pie a few times I took it out at what I decided was an appropriate level of jiggleosity.

Clearly any silly words should not be included in any recipe I make, I just cannot stop.

Cornbread, up close and personal.

I really liked the way it came out, the shortbread crust was super easy and paired well with the filling. The shortbread crust was crunchy and not too sweet and did I mention about nine million times easier than making pie crust? Win win. Joe says he prefers regular ol' pie crust which is fine as long as he's willing to pay the mental health bills.

I was out of the kitchen pretty quickly since making pumpkin pie consists of lots of waiting. In the mean time, Joe made everything else: mashed potatoes, cornbread, brussel sprouts and gravy. I wandered in and out of the kitchen now and then to watch Joe battle the duck. The dimple-y skin from where the feathers were plucked out freaked me out the most. Perhaps because while getting something from the fridge and coming face to face with the duck I realized that is what my legs look like in winter.


I thought everything turned out really well, Joe did a lovely job. He did almost lose it while trying to carve the duck into pieces that did not look like a bear had shredded it. Minor detail though, he doesn't disassemble poultry all year round. He is now convinced he must go through some sort of poultry boot camp and make one every day for a week. I am so looking forward to it.

Here's the two recipes we used, everything else was just hodge podged together.
- Easy Pumpkin Pie with Shortbread Crust
- Skillet Cornbread

Pumpkin Pie Remix

A common question asked during the holiday season is, "I just can't seem to gain enough weight during the holidays! What can I do to pack the lbs on?" Don't worry, friends. I have the answer. And the answer is: pumpkin cheesecake.

Pumpkin flavored desserts are all winners in my book, I'm all about the spicy pumpkin baked goods. In October I began to think about what new pumpkin creation I could make. Pumpkin muffins? Check. Pumpkin cookies? Check. Pumpkin pie? Check. The unfortunate pumpkin pie that completely lacked sugar? Check. Pumpkin cheesecake? Oh hello, lover.

Cheesecake was also a good option because although Joe is not usually a sweets person, he cannot resist anything cold, sweet and creamy. I'm not sure he is physically capable of removing himself from a milkshake. Joe is similarly enamored with cheesecake and since his birthday is on Halloween, it seemed like a good thing to make.



I decided to spruce up the cheesecake a bit by making a gingersnap crust instead of the normal graham cracker crust that's in most cheesecakes. Originally I was going to make my own gingersnaps to grind for the crust and then I realized I was a crazy person and bought a bag of cookies from Whole Foods instead.

Gingersnap Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients:

• 1 bag gingersnap cookies (I used a 12 oz bag) -- you'll want around 2 cups of cookie crumbs
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 3 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 2 egg yolks
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 14 ounce can pumpkin pulp
• 1 Tbsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 2 tsp ginger
• 1/2 tsp salt

Directions:

Preheat oven 375 degrees F. Grind the gingersnaps in a food processor until they reach a fine crumb. Add melted butter and mix until thoroughly incorporated. Press the crust mixture into the bottom and springform pan. Now, make the filling. In a mixer bowl combine cream cheese, sugar, cornstarch, and vanilla. Beat until fluffy. Add eggs and yolks all at once, beating on low speed just until combined. Add spices and mix until incorporated. Fold in the cream and the pumpkin pulp.Pour into the crust lined pan. Place in a shallow baking pan in oven and fill baking pan with hot water to reach about half way up the spring form pan. Bake for about 55 minutes or until the center appears nearly set when shaken. Turn heat off and leave cheesecake in the cooler oven for 30 mins. Cool out of oven for an additional 30 minutes. Chill for 4 hours before serving.
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I thought this came out really well and it even won me a little fall baking contest. Loved the gingersnap crust though the butter in the crust could be decreased a bit. Sacrilege, I know. Joe plowed through most of it in no time by using hunks of cheesecake essentially as a meal replacement. If only such a diet existed. The all cheesecake diet? Count me in.



So this would be a nice twist on your Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. It would also make a good addition to your thighs. Or we can pretend its healthy because it is full of such nutritious things like vegetables (pumpkin), dairy (um, heavy cream and cream cheese) and protein (eggs). A well rounded meal!

Joe and I are having a small Thanksgiving of just the two of us so we'll just have a little feast of fall veggies, mashed potatoes and meat/meat-like products. I think Joe is going to attempt to roast a duck and I'm having my petite faux turkey roast. I've been vegetarian for nearly six years and one of the only times I encounter problems are at large Thanksgiving dinners where inevitably someone offers me turkey and I decline, telling them I'm a vegetarian. To which they say, "Oh, okay. I'll just give you a small piece then." What? I'm a vegetarian, not a oh-as-long-as-its-a-small-piece-tarian.

It does remind me of another fond memory of my German exchange trip. Before leaving, all the students wrote letters to our future host families in our broken toddler-level German and I threw in 'Ich bin Vegetarisch!' as a heads up. We arrived in Germany after traveling nine million hours on an airplane, which was somewhat like attending a flying drunken German party. Sleep deprived and smelling of stale German cigarettes, we were touted to a welcoming barbecue. I met my dear German host parents who immediately wanted to feed me and offered me a variety of meats. I explained to them I was vegetarian and the following conversation ensued, "Ah yes, I see, I see... But you eat chickens, yes? No? Of course, of course... But surely you eat sausage. Bratwurst, ja? Nein? Of course not. What about...." and I eventually told them I would eat fish, which seemed to calm them a bit. I don't normally eat fish or seafood at all but I was jet lagged and wanted to placate my host parents. Of course the local newspaper took picture of the BBQ and I appeared on the front page of the news, appearing slightly ill and holding a large platter of steaming meat products that I was bullied into holding. That's one down side of being 5'0: you're always stuck dead center in photographs, displaying something weird if needed. Like a tray of bratwurst while surrounded by smiling Germans.

Another time I saw a German restaurant had a vegetarian sandwich option so I tried to order it. And the German workers were like WHAT! SURELY YOU ARE MISTAKEN AND WANT IT WAS MEAT, JA?? NO MEAT? CAN... NOT... COMPUTE. BRAIN... EXPLODING.

I'm not sure how my German impression turned into a version of Terminator. Let's just go with it.

I'm sure I'll post something from Thanksgiving later this week, I'm just planning on doing a pumpkin pie. I may not survive though, every time I try to make pie crust I almost murder somebody. But I'm determined to conquer pie crust so I keep making it and come close to having a stroke each time. Every time I attempt it Joe is like, "Can I help you with anything, baby?" and I'm like, "WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?? GET OUT!! EVERYTHING IS FINE!! NO, I AM NOT - sob - CRYING!!"

I'm sure it will be a calm and relaxing Thanksgiving. Enjoy your holiday.

Muffin Party Memories

So I've continued my muffin obsession with several new batches of different muffins. The most recent ones are by far my favorite because they have the elusive ability to be moist, delicious and healthy. Pinch me!



I think I've mentioned that I'm also somewhat addicted to apples. I eat one just about every day. And for the record: an apple a day DOES NOT keep the doctor away, as I keep getting sick. Is someone poisoning my apples? Quit it. Anyway, apples are not my most favorite fruit but they are pretty reliableon the delicious scale. My very favorite, pears, hate me and go from rock hard to rotting when I turn my head. Oranges are a close second and besides the fact that they make my tummy die with their acidity, picking oranges is kind of dicey and a dry orange is the worst thing ever. Apples are pretty much delicious all the time. And since going without fruit is not an option for me, apples are usually around.

Recently Joe and I bought our standard big batch of local apples that would last me about 30 minutes or possibly week if I had self control. Unfortunately this was a rare batch of bad apples. Occasionally local apples can be a bit mealy and these guys had no delicious apple friends to forgive the presence of their mealy neighbors. So I decided to make apple muffins to put the apples out of their misery. Or out of my misery. That does not make sense but let us pretend it does, shall we?

And have I mentioned I LOVE THESE like a loving bear, as Joe and I would say in our horribly cheesy love language. Joe and I should really should be socialized like puppies because we don't function well outside of the safety of our apartment. I remember one time we were at the BMW dealership waiting for Joe's car to be fixed and I was holding a bunch of stuff and dropped one of them. Instead of responding like a normal human being, I pointed at it and squeaked, "Aaaaaiiiiee!" at Joe until he picked it up for me. I really did not think this was abnormal until Joe told me I can't do that sort of thing in public. Oh.

Healthy Apple Cinnamon Muffins

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 heaping tablespoons apple sauce
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  
• 1 egg
• 1/3 cup milk
• 2 apples - peeled, cored and chopped

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease six muffin cups or line with paper muffin liners.
2. Stir together flour, sugar, salt, baking powder and cinnamon. In a separate bowl mix together egg, oil, applesauce and vanilla. All apples to dry ingredients and mix until apples are coated. Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix just until incorporated. Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups, filling to the top of the cup.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 20 to 25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean.

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Easy peasy and delicious... smishious?

In other news I've recently begun pulling my old journal entries off the web and into a word document. I kept online journals throughout middle school and high school and I've been meaning to get a hard copy of my entries to have around in future. My middle school entries are just tragic and do not deserve to see the light of day but there are some good parts and tons of memories that I would have otherwise forgotten. The Muffin Story I thought was suitable for this entry.



Background: In high school I went on a student exchange trip to Germany and hilarity ensued. Here is one journal entry from the trip:

"On our last day in Korchenbroich, all the German students and American exchange students had a muffin baking party. I have no idea why, perhaps it's some strange parting tradition in Germany. Anyways, it was good times. The German students had to write down ten actions in English they didn't already know, like "to whisk" or "to pour". Andrew and Alex convinced some Germans that one action was "to secretly taste". They also convinced a few others that along with preheating overs, there was also "post heating and the recovery phase".

Then Andrew forgot the word "batter" and was really troubled by the notion of "muffin dough". "This isn't muffin DOUGH... this is muffin... okay, what the hell is it?"

Finally, hot Michael was practicing his English and when he bit into a muffin, he yelled, "This is SENSATIONAL!" and I laughed and said, "Dude, nobody actually says 'sensational' in the US. Unless you're a interior decorator or something."

How could I not save these heartwarming memories?

Birthday Blogging and Family Stories

It's birthday blog time! Happy birthday, mom!

My present will be late so here's a sneak preview of part of your gift and a blog entry to tide you over.

First off: the baked goods. I love fall flavored baked goods a lot. As in cinnamon and spice flavored, not leaf flavored. When trying to decide what to send my mom, I decided to bake some ginger spice cookies. I didn't have the required amount of ginger so I added some more spices to make up for it. See how clever I am? I just add 'spice' to the name to disguise the fact that I can't plan ahead.


They were yummy though and the first ginger cookie I've made that has the proper ginger cookie crackles on top. Which I failed to capture in my photos. Fail.

So expect a package of these guys in the mail soon, mama. Along with some other surprises that I hope you'll like as well.

And now. I think its only appropriate to share family stories on my mom's birthday. Which is unfortunate to the pride of the rest of my family. But it must be done.

When my older sister Mia was born, apparently she won Most Perfect Baby in the Universe award (typical older sister move) and my parents thought, "Geez, babies are great. Let's have some more!" And then with my birth things went terribly wrong and when that was over and done with my personality was somewhat akin to, "Woman who birthed me, what is this terrible place? You will be punished for bringing me to this cruel world. And who is that bearded man? I don't like the looks of him. And also: wah."

The next few years I clung to my mom like a spider monkey and had an emotional breakdown each time she tried to pry me off to indulge in such selfish things as feeding herself. There are few pictures of me as baby and in the ones that exist I am on verge of tears, reaching out to the camera because my mom had dared to be six inches away from me. I was the infant Queen and mother was my servant. My dad likes to tell a story in which Mia and I were going out to go somewhere and the family was in a hurry so my dad tied my shoes. I burst into tears because MOM DIDN'T DO IT.

I eventually became somewhat more emotionally stable. I think. At least I don't have a panic attack when my mom doesn't tie my shoes. But this may only because I now only wear slip on shoes. I also warmed up to The Goofy Bearded One, aka my father.

Since the holidays are approaching, I thought I would also describe the infamous Blankensop sister Christmas video, which scarily portrays the differences between me and my sister. Since Mia is extroversion personified and I am the emotionally repressed introvert, watching any old home video of us interacting is bound to be hilarious.To give you an idea of the differences between my sister and I, here's a scene from a random family video: Toddler Sophie is curled up in a rocking chair, quietly flipping through a picture book. My mom is filming me and I'm bashfully answering her questions. Mia enters the room, looks at my mom filming me. She then storms up to the rocking chair, shoves me out of the chair and says to the camera, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MOMMY? HEY, LOOK AT THIS BOOK!! DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT THIS BOOK?!"

The Christmas video is a similar experience. Cue video from the early 90's. Mia and I are sitting in the kitchen on Christmas morning. She's maybe eight and I'm about four. I am on the left, smiling shyly at the camera with my giant brown Romanian Orphan eyes. Mia is on the right, sitting on the edge of her seat and appears to have just consumed copious amounts of cocaine. Throughout the entire video she is grinning like a mad loon, talking nonstop and gesturing violently. I'm surprised her hands didn't 'accidentally' go out of control and hit me in the face.

It is also imperative to know that Mia had a speech impediment when she was younger. She sounded like a tiny pixie-like version like Elmer Fudd throughout most of elementary school. She could not manage R's so, like her cartoon cousin, rabbit became wabbit, rascally became wascally etc. With speech therapy she eventually was able to overcome this but it was a particularly hilarious era in Mia's life. Or should I say... hiwawious? In the video I also can't pronounce R's because I'm a baby, cut me a break.

The entire video goes something like this:
Mom: So girls, are you excited for Christmas?
Mia: I LOVE CHWISTMAS BECAUSE SANTA COMES AND BRINGS PWESENTS AND SANTA ATE THE COOKIES AND MILK LAST NIGHT AND I LOVE CWRISTMAS BECAUSE IT IS NICE, WIGHT SOPHIE?!
Me: Wight.
Mom: Sophie, what's that present behind you?
Me: It's-
Mia: IT'S A BEAWR (note: 'bear') AND IT IS A PINK BEAWR AND SHE CALLS IT PINKY. SANTA LEFT IT FOR HER AND I GOT LOTS OF OTHER PWESENTS TOO, WIGHT SOPHIE?!
Me: Wight.

This continues for about ten more minutes. I'm pretty sure the only time I say something other than 'wight' is when Mia attempts to snatch my blankie out of my hands and I say, "Don't touch my bwankie, it's vewy special..." Meanwhile, Mia continues to talk at light speed and at one point spontaneously bursts into song. Luckily she now does improv so she has an outlet for her crazy. The crazy still seeps through some but it is mostly contained.

And yet Mia still insists that I am the weird one because I may or may not have had an onion peel collection as a child. For the record, this is also a lie.

Aren't you proud of your children? What's that you say? What about Piers? What little brother? Just kidding, I have hilarious stories about my brother Piers as well. All in good time, all in good time.

Happy birthday again!

Adventures in Nowhereland

Alright, alright,I suck. I was in a baking and blogging rut and that was even before I got the Virus of Death and couldn't move for a week. I've only recently gotten back into it so forgive me.

First off, I found some long lost photos of stuff I baked about nine million years ago so I thought I would post that stuff first.

This is stuff from when Joe and I visited my dad last summer. My dad lives in Nowheresville, Alaska. On top of a hill. Half an hour from anything. Of course, the closest establishments are a couple bars because Alaskans cannot physically be 50 feet away from alcohol at any time without having a stroke. Whenever I visit we end up cooking, baking and watching ancient B-list horror movies and occasionally we slink into town to replenish supplies.

In between movies, I made thumbprint cookies filled with apricot jam and pecan caramel clusters. Joy of Baking succeeds again, these were lovely.

We usually stay in a cabin my grandparents used to live in, which is quaint and mildly creepy. My dad's old room give me major heebie jeebies, which I discovered when I was younger and my dad kindly let me sleep in his old room while he slept on the couch upstairs. The room is the basement, below ground, and is completely devoid of heat and light. I had vivid, horrible nightmares for two nights straight when normally I can't remember my dreams at all. After the second night I told my dad, "That room is creepy, I couldn't sleep and had nightmares all night." to which he casually replied, "Yeah, that room is kind of haunted." THANKS DAD.

The room still freaks me out but luckily I ensnared a man to share the room with me and I figure the monsters will eat Joe first as he's bigger. Though I do have more meat on my bones. SHUT UP BRAIN.

You try to sleep in a room that in plastered in this wallpaper:

(shrill violins) REEEE!

REEE! REEE!

REE! REEE! REE! THE BEARS! THE BEARS!

Last time we went to visit my dad, I went to go take a bath when I spied an enormous spider hanging out in the tub. I promptly turned around and told Joe to dispose of it before I cried and like obedient monster bait, he flushed it down the drain. After I took my bath and was drying off, I told my dad that a mutant enormo-spider had been living in his bathroom and he said, "Oh, that little guy? Yeah, I let him chill out in there and just move him when I need to take a shower." And I was like um yes, that's totally normal and then I found Joe and whispered in a panic, "Joe, I think we just killed my dad's pet spider!" But because mutant enormo-spider is apparently also a indestructible spider robot, it crawled out of the drain unscathed and I didn't have to break it to my dad that I had killed his roommate to take a bubble bath.

Anyway. I also made spice pecan brittle. It was supposed to turn out as candied pecans but it um, didn't. Even though, I wanted to marry it, I love sweet pecan candy.

I didn't love the recipe I based this on, I actually had to remelt the batch to get it to the right consistency. But it worked out alright in the end.

So that's what I did while trying to survive the haunted basement. I think there's a reason all these horror films are coming out based in Alaska. No daylight in winter? Everlasting daylight in summer? Cabin in the middle of nowhere? Small room with wallpaper that was designed under the influence of acid? I should just write the screenplay now and make millions.