Saturday, July 14, 2012

Stop ruining my life, google.

7/14/12 – About 13 weeks pregnant

Well, I was really hoping that I would magically wake up the morning of week 13 with no morning sickness but alas, it persists. My midwife says that hopefully it will ease up between 15-18 weeks so that’s the new light at the end of the tunnel.

On the up side, Peapod was looking more humanoid at my 12 week ultrasound. Which means that it looks less like a gummy bear and more like Skeletor. Progress, people. I gave Joe a high five when I read that the little peanut should no longer have a tail at this point. Good work, baby.

Pregnancy is pretty amazing in that I’m pretty sure I’m still eating at a calorie deficit but have somehow still managed to put on a couple pounds. Like, where are you getting this extra stuff to store? Are you converting my bones to fat stores? I was kind of hoping I could avoid that pesky gaining weight part of pregnancy. Thanks, evolution.

I’m a pretty little chick and was feeling pretty okay about my total lack of baby bump until I googled what other women look like this far along and now I totally have a complex. Some of these women have legit cute little bumps. And I look like I ate too many cupcakes last night, if that.

So lesson learned. Do not, I repeat, do not, google anything. You will be totally paranoid about how your pregnancy compares to others and then you will convince yourself that the cherries you ate half an hour ago are going to poison you with listeria because you are a fool that never washes fruit. Also, all the glowing pregnant ladies with cute bumps and not a lick of nausea will send you into a murderous rage.

So don’t google stuff. Instead you should probably eat some macaroni and cheese while watching episodes of Jersey Shore.  It’s working out for me pretty well.

Everybody has been asking me if I’ve been having cravings yet and the short answer is no. Every food makes me want to die. There are some foods that make me want to die less, if you want to call that “cravings”. Probably worse than food actually is any fluid, which I just can’t stomach. I read in a pregnancy book the other idea that I should be striving for 12 glasses of water a day and I actually snorted. I consider it a great accomplishment if I’m able to gag down 32 oz of fluid in my 9 hour work day. Someone we work with brought in sugar free lemonade from Hot Dog on a Stick and I was able to drain that sucker pretty good. So I’m all about lemon water and lemonade right now. Peanut butter and fruit are other faithful standbys. But really, these are things I was semi-obsessed with before pregnancy so who knows.

In other news, pregnancy has made me even lamer than my usual lame self but provides an excellent excuse to take bubble baths before going to sleep at 8 pm. It also had made me fully appreciate the true beauty that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch*. But let’s be honest, you don’t have to be knocked up to realize that.

*This message was not brought to you by Cinnamon Toast Crunch. However, I will not turn away large sums of money from General Mills if they wish to offer it to me. Just putting that out there.

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