Two Months Old: it really is a baby!

Two-month-old babies are fun because that’s when they become less leech-like and more humanoid. As I’ve told numerous people, it can be hard at first when your newborn has two settings: 1) inexplicably pissed off and 2) neutral.  Possibly three settings, if you count pooping. So when they starting smiling you’re like OH THANK GOD. Theo started smiling around Valentine’s Day, appropriately enough.

Here’s what I liked in month two:

1. Grass drying rack: Perfect for storing the nine billion bottles and bottle accessories you will have. And I breastfeed! I don't know what formula feeding moms do, lease a new house? Anyways, this thing is adorable, works well, and I can cram all of our bottle paraphernalia on it. Also you can buy little twigs and flowers to expand the storage. I die.

2. Piyo Piyo nail scissors: So nobody tells you that your newborn will have Wolverine-like claws and that one of your motherly duties will be giving the world’s tiniest, most terrifying manicures. I bought these scissors because they were cute but turns out they work way better than baby nail clippers. I tried the baby nail scissors but one time and was like NOPE, GOING TO CHOP OFF A FINGER. Get these instead.

3.     Boppy nursing pillow: I prefer this to the regular Boppy or My Brest Friend. It wraps around the body and has a flat, firm surface like the My Brest Friend but is cushion-y on the bottom. Most importantly, THE ENTIRE THING CAN BE WASHED. I really like the My Brest Friend but putting on the bizarrely shaped covers takes forever and is really tedious. Also, they named it MY BREST FRIEND, ugh. Pro tip: ditch the strap that comes attached to the boppy, it’s useless.

4.     Snugabunny swing: Oh swing, how I love you. Sometimes this is the only thing that will calm him down. He’s really good about sleeping in the cosleeper now but in early days, he preferred the swing. Just the other night he was fussing up a storm and fell asleep immediately when I desperately stuffed him in the swing. Also, now that he’s older he is pretty hypnotized by the mobile.

5.     Chux pads: I think I’ve mentioned that babies poop a lot. And pee a lot. And spit up a lot. I am intimately familiar with chux pads as a nurse, since that’s what all the hospitals use to protect surfaces from bodily fluids. One of my more brilliant ideas was to buy chux pads to use on the changing table. They make disposable “changing pads” but they are essentially just overpriced chux. These saved us so many clean ups, especially in the first couple of months when you have a poop machine masquerading as a baby.  Just roll ‘em up and throw them away when they get dirty. Pro tip: also good for new postpartum moms, where everywhere you go looks like a murder scene. I will spare you the details. Chux can be found in most drug stores, in the incontinence aisle. Parenting is so glamorous. 

One Month Old: Adventures in Nursing

Theo is now a month old, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? He’s starting to outgrow his newborn clothes, which makes me very sad. I had to stuff him into that onesie like a small sausage. Obviously he is not lacking in food. His three chins speak for themselves.

So! One-month update! I must say, Joe and I totally prepared for the worst in having a newborn. You hear all these terrible stories about how you have baby and then suddenly you’re up all night trying to unsuccessfully soothe a small banshee and then it all ends when you murder your significant other in the morning. Or something.

Which isn’t to say that it has been easy but Joe and I are adjusting pretty well. Theo and I have this breastfeeding thing down and I have fondly nicknamed him “The Hungry Barracuda” for the speed and voracity of his nursing.

Man, future teenaged son, I am really sorry about all this.

We did have a couple rough nights before my milk came where Theo was like WTF MOM, I’M FREAKIN’ HUNGRY.  That was probably my toughest night so far. At one point during the night I gave him a pacifier, even though the lactation consultant at my midwife’s office suggested that we wait to introduce one until breastfeeding was well established, which it clearly was not. However, it helped sooth Theo and my hormones were still at the point were I would burst into tears whenever I looked at him so I didn’t hesitate to keep popping that sucker in. Joe woke up sometime during this, noticed the pacifier, and sleepily said, “Should he have that? I thought we were going to wait to give him a pacifier.” And I was running on a lot less sleep than he was and I shot him a look that I hoped communicated something along the lines of, OH YEAH? I WILL MURDER YOUR FACE. Because that are the kind of things your brain says at 3 am with a fussy newborn.

Theo had lost more weight at his first check up than the pediatrician wanted so we met with a lactation consultant, who suggested I use a supplemental nursing system until my milk came in. The supplemental nursing system (SNS) works like this: you have a little syringe that you fill with formula, which drips down a tiny little tube. You breastfeed your baby normally and while they are attempting to nurse, you sneak the tube into their mouth so that even if they’re not getting much or any breast milk, they are still getting some nutrition from the formula. Also this way, you keep up the breastfeeding habit and avoid giving a bottle.

Pretty clever idea, but ultimately easier said than done. Luckily we only had to do the SNS for an evening and one night before my milk came in. We did much better during the day than we did overnight, where sneakily inserting a tiny clear tube into a nursing newborn’s mouth-- while sleep deprived-- felt like a mission best suited for James Bond. A few times we succeeded only in dripping formula all over his face. But overall we did manage to give him enough supplemental formula to keep him happy and the next morning I woke up looking like a fembot so all was good from there.

What’s that? You don’t remember what a fembot is because you had better things to do than watch Austin Powers? Whatever, fancy pants. This is a fembot:

Theo is a pretty good sleeper and usually goes right back to sleep after eating in the middle of the night so I don’t feel too sleep deprived usually. The biggest sign of sleep deprivation happened the other day when I was in the middle of drinking my morning tea and realized it was sweeter than usual. Upon further investigation, (as in, looking in the mug… my detective skills are unparalleled) I realized that I had forgotten to put a tea bag in. So I was essentially drinking hot sugared milk-water. Which is kind of delicious, actually.

Wish me luck in month two! He slept 6 hours last night, which was ahhhh-mazing. I’m hoping this is a trend. Please don’t smite me, parenting gods.