Coconut Christmas

Are you guys ready to read more about things I baked 9 million years ago? Excellent!

In December I was agonizing over what to get Joe's family for Christmas/Hanukkah/Christmaskah. At the same time I was mulling over what to make for my mom's nontraditional Christmas dinner. I was considering making a coconut cream pie for the dinner and randomly asked Joe if his dad happened to like coconut cream pie. "Oh, coconut cream pie? That's one of his favorites!" A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. OR HANUKKAH MIRACLE. INTER-RELIGIOUS MIRACLE.

So I revised my plans and decided to make two coconut cream pies. I eventually decided upon a coconut cream pie recipe by Emeril that used coconut milk in addition to shredded coconut to make the coconuty pie filling. Extra coconuty goodness? Yes please.




I was hesitant to make my own pie crusts, as my making pie crusts highly correlates with an emotional breakdown. But I did it anyway! Because what is better is more appropriate during the holidays than a nice, long nervous breakdown?

Best Ever Coconut Cream Pie from foodtv.com

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 cups unsweetened coconut milk
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• 5 egg yolks
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup flaked, unsweetened coconut
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 (9-inch) baked pie shell, recipe follows
• 1/3 cup toasted coconut
• Whipped cream, for garnish

Directions

In a nonstick 1-quart saucepan, combine 3/4 cup sugar, coconut milk, and 1 cup milk. Scald mixture.

In a small mixing bowl, whisk the remaining 1/2 cup milk and cornstarch together to make a slurry. Whisk egg yolks with salt in medium bowl. Temper yolks by adding 1/2 cup scaled milk mixture to yolks and whisk well. Add yolk mixture and slurry back into milk mixture and whisk vigorously over medium heat until thickened, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and add coconut, vanilla, and butter. Whisk until uniformly incorporated.

Pour the filling into the prepared pie shell. Cover the pie with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator. Chill the pie completely, about 2 hours.

To serve, top with toasted coconut and a dollop of whipped cream.

Pie shell:

2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for surface

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup solid vegetable shortening

6 to 7 tablespoons ice cold water

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, and salt. Mix well. Add the shortening and mix until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add the water and let sit 1 minute. Either using a fork or your hands, carefully press the mixture together to form a soft ball. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 30 minutes.

Remove the dough from the refrigerator and place it on a lightly floured surface. Roll the dough into a circle about 12 inches in diameter and 1/4-inch thick. Gently fold the circle of dough in half and then in half again so that you can lift it without tearing it, and unfold into a 9-inch by 2-inch deep-dish pie pan. Crimp the edges and chill again for 30 minutes before baking.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Bake pie shell until golden, about 25 to 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool completely before using.

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But I actually had the easiest time with this pie crust. I think a large part of this was because my mom doesn't own a large food processor, which I normally use to make pie crusts, and I was forced to do it by hand. Maybe this prevented me from over mixing the dough or something? Whatever it was, I did not want to kill somebody when I was finished. The crust was in no way attractive but everybody in the immediate family survived so I considered that a success.

Another bonus to making pie on Christmas was that the oven was on for hours and hours, which is quite useful when your mom's heaters decide to fail in the depths of the Alaskan winter. I came home from school and thought, "We have no heat and our vicious dog is attempting to eat the neighbors? What is this, a Charles Dickens novel?"



Because everything I touch magically doubles, I somehow came out with way too much of the coconut filling, I probably had enough to fill like three pies. Huh. I had no choice but to leave the remainder in mom's fridge where it would taunt her silently. Haha. Mu haha. MWA HAHAHA.

Anyway. I was pleased with how this turned out, I think the coconut milk made it especially good. Even though my pie crust skillz are quite as good as I would like them to be, the crust still tasted good. But really, in pies like these its all about the filling, baby. And it was quite good.

Next up: something that I actually made THIS MONTH. I know, crazy right?! Its almost like I try to keep a blog about baking!

Tofurky day!

Joe and I had a low key Thanksgiving with minimal mental melt downs. I decided I did not want to have a brain aneurysm so I decided not to make pie crust. Joe decided he did want to have a brain aneurysm and made Peking duck.

This is not duck. This is cornbread.

Joe warned me that the duck carcass would be hanging out in the kitchen the day before to do it's Peking duck thing. So when I came home on Wednesday and Joe told me not to freak out about what was in the kitchen, I didn't think anything of it and expected for the duck carcass to be out on the counter. And it was. The duck was laying on the counter. With our giant fan placed in front of it. If the duck had hair, its hair would be flying in the breeze. I asked Joe why exactly was the duck placed strategically in a wind tunnel? and he told me that Peking ducks are supposed to be 'hung upside down in a windy area'. And because our landlord may not appreciate us dangling a duck carcass out the window on a string, a fan seemed like the best option. Sure.

Roasted garlic. Calorie free, obviously. For the:

... mashed potatoes!

I thought about making the pumpkin pie the night before but then I took some Xanax and went to sleep instead. Such is life. I discovered a pumpkin pie recipe that featured a shortbread crust while I was perusing the Martha Stewart website and I decided to go with that. I hate making pie crust and I don't particularly like it so this seemed perfect.

Brussel sprouts: pre-roast
And post-roast. Yum.

This pie was kind of ridiculously easy but I'm not complaining. The hardest part I had was figuring out when to take it out, since I haven't made many pumpkin pies and the filling is supposed to be jiggly when you take them out. But not too jiggly. And of course not jiggle-less. A gray area of jiggly. And I am not a Jiggle Master. A Jiggle Pro. Head Mistress of Jiggle. I am a Jiggle Apprentice and after checking the pie a few times I took it out at what I decided was an appropriate level of jiggleosity.

Clearly any silly words should not be included in any recipe I make, I just cannot stop.

Cornbread, up close and personal.

I really liked the way it came out, the shortbread crust was super easy and paired well with the filling. The shortbread crust was crunchy and not too sweet and did I mention about nine million times easier than making pie crust? Win win. Joe says he prefers regular ol' pie crust which is fine as long as he's willing to pay the mental health bills.

I was out of the kitchen pretty quickly since making pumpkin pie consists of lots of waiting. In the mean time, Joe made everything else: mashed potatoes, cornbread, brussel sprouts and gravy. I wandered in and out of the kitchen now and then to watch Joe battle the duck. The dimple-y skin from where the feathers were plucked out freaked me out the most. Perhaps because while getting something from the fridge and coming face to face with the duck I realized that is what my legs look like in winter.


I thought everything turned out really well, Joe did a lovely job. He did almost lose it while trying to carve the duck into pieces that did not look like a bear had shredded it. Minor detail though, he doesn't disassemble poultry all year round. He is now convinced he must go through some sort of poultry boot camp and make one every day for a week. I am so looking forward to it.

Here's the two recipes we used, everything else was just hodge podged together.
- Easy Pumpkin Pie with Shortbread Crust
- Skillet Cornbread

Pumpkin Pie Remix

A common question asked during the holiday season is, "I just can't seem to gain enough weight during the holidays! What can I do to pack the lbs on?" Don't worry, friends. I have the answer. And the answer is: pumpkin cheesecake.

Pumpkin flavored desserts are all winners in my book, I'm all about the spicy pumpkin baked goods. In October I began to think about what new pumpkin creation I could make. Pumpkin muffins? Check. Pumpkin cookies? Check. Pumpkin pie? Check. The unfortunate pumpkin pie that completely lacked sugar? Check. Pumpkin cheesecake? Oh hello, lover.

Cheesecake was also a good option because although Joe is not usually a sweets person, he cannot resist anything cold, sweet and creamy. I'm not sure he is physically capable of removing himself from a milkshake. Joe is similarly enamored with cheesecake and since his birthday is on Halloween, it seemed like a good thing to make.



I decided to spruce up the cheesecake a bit by making a gingersnap crust instead of the normal graham cracker crust that's in most cheesecakes. Originally I was going to make my own gingersnaps to grind for the crust and then I realized I was a crazy person and bought a bag of cookies from Whole Foods instead.

Gingersnap Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients:

• 1 bag gingersnap cookies (I used a 12 oz bag) -- you'll want around 2 cups of cookie crumbs
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 3 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 2 egg yolks
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 14 ounce can pumpkin pulp
• 1 Tbsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 2 tsp ginger
• 1/2 tsp salt

Directions:

Preheat oven 375 degrees F. Grind the gingersnaps in a food processor until they reach a fine crumb. Add melted butter and mix until thoroughly incorporated. Press the crust mixture into the bottom and springform pan. Now, make the filling. In a mixer bowl combine cream cheese, sugar, cornstarch, and vanilla. Beat until fluffy. Add eggs and yolks all at once, beating on low speed just until combined. Add spices and mix until incorporated. Fold in the cream and the pumpkin pulp.Pour into the crust lined pan. Place in a shallow baking pan in oven and fill baking pan with hot water to reach about half way up the spring form pan. Bake for about 55 minutes or until the center appears nearly set when shaken. Turn heat off and leave cheesecake in the cooler oven for 30 mins. Cool out of oven for an additional 30 minutes. Chill for 4 hours before serving.
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I thought this came out really well and it even won me a little fall baking contest. Loved the gingersnap crust though the butter in the crust could be decreased a bit. Sacrilege, I know. Joe plowed through most of it in no time by using hunks of cheesecake essentially as a meal replacement. If only such a diet existed. The all cheesecake diet? Count me in.



So this would be a nice twist on your Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. It would also make a good addition to your thighs. Or we can pretend its healthy because it is full of such nutritious things like vegetables (pumpkin), dairy (um, heavy cream and cream cheese) and protein (eggs). A well rounded meal!

Joe and I are having a small Thanksgiving of just the two of us so we'll just have a little feast of fall veggies, mashed potatoes and meat/meat-like products. I think Joe is going to attempt to roast a duck and I'm having my petite faux turkey roast. I've been vegetarian for nearly six years and one of the only times I encounter problems are at large Thanksgiving dinners where inevitably someone offers me turkey and I decline, telling them I'm a vegetarian. To which they say, "Oh, okay. I'll just give you a small piece then." What? I'm a vegetarian, not a oh-as-long-as-its-a-small-piece-tarian.

It does remind me of another fond memory of my German exchange trip. Before leaving, all the students wrote letters to our future host families in our broken toddler-level German and I threw in 'Ich bin Vegetarisch!' as a heads up. We arrived in Germany after traveling nine million hours on an airplane, which was somewhat like attending a flying drunken German party. Sleep deprived and smelling of stale German cigarettes, we were touted to a welcoming barbecue. I met my dear German host parents who immediately wanted to feed me and offered me a variety of meats. I explained to them I was vegetarian and the following conversation ensued, "Ah yes, I see, I see... But you eat chickens, yes? No? Of course, of course... But surely you eat sausage. Bratwurst, ja? Nein? Of course not. What about...." and I eventually told them I would eat fish, which seemed to calm them a bit. I don't normally eat fish or seafood at all but I was jet lagged and wanted to placate my host parents. Of course the local newspaper took picture of the BBQ and I appeared on the front page of the news, appearing slightly ill and holding a large platter of steaming meat products that I was bullied into holding. That's one down side of being 5'0: you're always stuck dead center in photographs, displaying something weird if needed. Like a tray of bratwurst while surrounded by smiling Germans.

Another time I saw a German restaurant had a vegetarian sandwich option so I tried to order it. And the German workers were like WHAT! SURELY YOU ARE MISTAKEN AND WANT IT WAS MEAT, JA?? NO MEAT? CAN... NOT... COMPUTE. BRAIN... EXPLODING.

I'm not sure how my German impression turned into a version of Terminator. Let's just go with it.

I'm sure I'll post something from Thanksgiving later this week, I'm just planning on doing a pumpkin pie. I may not survive though, every time I try to make pie crust I almost murder somebody. But I'm determined to conquer pie crust so I keep making it and come close to having a stroke each time. Every time I attempt it Joe is like, "Can I help you with anything, baby?" and I'm like, "WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?? GET OUT!! EVERYTHING IS FINE!! NO, I AM NOT - sob - CRYING!!"

I'm sure it will be a calm and relaxing Thanksgiving. Enjoy your holiday.